Relationships are Selfish.

Don’t pass judgment until you read my reasoning.

What do you want from a relationship with another person? What are you looking to achieve?

  • You don’t want to be alone.
  • You want someone to financially take are of you.
  • You want love.
  • You desire attention and
  • To only have that one person for you.
  • …. I’m sure there are many personal reasons. Too many to list. Feel free to write in your own.


My point is: It’s what YOU want. Many are still single because it’s what YOU want. But those that are in relationships, I’m hoping you can follow my thought process.


You meet this woman, you take her on a date. You HOPE she wants pizza because you are craving it.. but will give her the opportunity to choose the restaurant based on what? The fact that you might get a smile and a kiss at the end of the night? It’s what you wanted when you asked her out — isn’t it?

Take it a step further. You’ve been dating a while and you move in together. She has found the most awesome (to her) curtains for your room. They are plaid with pink things in them. Does she get to keep them? OF COURSE!! Do you hate them? Yes. But! You’re sleeping with a woman by your side at night now… Sex ANYTIME. Right?

Now you’re married. She’s locked you down. This can go one of two ways: 1. You have decided for your benefit that it’s best to leave her to the house details or you start learning to really like pink and blue plaid.



Let’s just take the scenarios up there and process the same ones… shall we?

You meet this guy. He seems like someone your dad would approve of, why not agree to the date? It’s just a date. Who doesn’t want dinner and a companion? Maybe even a little night on the town? Attention?

So it turns out, dad did approve. Good job. Now you’re getting a place together. You test his co-habitation interest and approach him with pink and blue curtains. He says, sure… it’s whatever YOU want. Makes you happy because it reminds you of your old college dorm and thankfully they were on sale. You had a feeling he wouldn’t like them, but you bought them anyway for ‘us’.

And he proposed. You’re married. You got the attention and affection YOU wanted, you got the dinner… You even got the curtains. To ice the cake, he proposed and made it official. It’s what most (won’t say ‘every’) women want.


You got what you wanted. Selfishly.

Now hear me out. You can unselfishly give to your other but in a way… you’re doing it selfishly. It’s not what the other person wants. It’s what YOU want in response to doing something to or for someone else.  It’s YOUR life, right?

Stepping stones of life… or chapters. No one is saying those stones go up. Just a path. Hopping from one stone to the next or flipping the pages. When someone you have put your whole self into decides it’s better to follow a different path or read a different book, it hurts.

What’s worse is when you feel like the stepping stone or the old worn out novel.



I need to find the word.

Miserable, no. I’m sorta happy sometimes. Jealous? Maybe a smidge, but only of youth. Used up, maybe. But what is the word for feeling lost without your spark or your umpf? I feel my characteristics being transferred to another and now I have a loss of identity. Keep in mind, this may be all in my head. I’m hurting.

Is this one of those stupid guy things that once you say you’re​ with “her,” Her is just supposed to know every day? She doesn’t. Just because you nabbed the princess, fighting to keep her not only with you-but also to keep her (each other) happy. 

Shooing discreet symbols of affection and blatantly disregard the loneliness of her. 

Guess I’m the old ball under the bed right now.